How I Learned to Recognize When I’m Being Codependent
If you think you are, start by checking your motives
In a recovery group I participate in on social media, someone asked what makes her behavior codependent. I knew immediately how she could tell. I said, “If you’re doing something that someone can do for themselves, risking harm to yourself, and possibly feeling resentful, you may be codependent.”
How could I confidently answer the question? I used to suffer from codependency. I wouldn’t have been able to see it back then. That’s why she had to ask. We often blur the line between helping and trying to control outcomes for other people.
We call this controlling behavior codependency because we depend on you to feel happy, whole and worthy. We try to manipulate you and control situations to feel more comfortable.
If you don’t take care of yourself, you trigger us into action. That’s why alcoholics and addicts attract those who lean toward codependency. We have a project before us, and we “help” because we care about you. We’re ready to fix things and make life better for you.
We need to feel needed. We might make excuses for you, pay your bills, search for hidden bottles, and pour liquor down the drain. That’s called enabling. It isn’t loving or kind to try to prevent…
