And it’s not what you might think. — Do women over age 50 have trouble finding a date because we’re too old? I know it’s BS, but the media can make us seem undesirable after a certain age. …

You probably won’t be fluent in a new language when you sober up — People marvel at my ability to speak nearly fluent Spanish. I’ll bet no one knows the real reason why I sound like I was born in Mexico. I’m exceptionally adept at learning foreign languages. I took classes in college, and I enjoyed it immensely. …

When you know, you know. — If you can read people well, you know if they’re a good fit before you meet or go out on a date. You don’t always know why you know. But you know. And it’s painfully obvious. …

But you keep offering it, anyway — I’ve noticed some people getting tired of reading self-help and how-tos. Maybe we’re just tired in general. Do you have a book or article telling me how I can improve my life by taking these simple steps? Get out of here with that nonsense. Life isn’t always that simple. Yet…

If you’re a white guy with a beard who lives in the PNW, you might be a racist. — I’m convinced that I won’t find a mate in Oregon, at least not if they’re a cishet white guy. It’s become a thing. On an average day, I come across at least a dozen white dudes with long beards. My maintenance man fits this description, as do dozens of neighbors…

And find your in-between place. — Everything that happens to you and everything you do will be most significant in the space between. It happens when you sit in silence, when you’re asleep and dreaming, or when you’re gazing at the sun peeking through springtime clouds. Or an unexpected outcome shakes you from your comfort zone. …

Start by numbing yourself with drugs and alcohol — “It takes a special person to do what you do.” No, it doesn’t. It takes mind-altering substances to work with people who hit, spit, throw shit at you, or rip your shirt off. …

How changing my relationship with money helped me take back my power — One day, your story is going to change. It might hit you without warning, like my recent paradigm shift. You might wake up and remember what Glenda told Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz: “You’ve had the Power all along, my Dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.”…

Because meditating turns me on — Who knew meditation could be sexually satisfying? I used to meditate for up to an hour at a rose garden in my California hometown. One day, I went beyond spiritual enlightenment when I became sexually aroused. I orgasmed while sitting on the lawn amongst tourists and locals walking their dogs. …